Gotsta have the feels for my partners. Physical holes were being filled, not emotional ones, and damn did I want something real. I learned to identify this as a sign that they were just out to fuck around because to a T, they would always be the ones to space out on dates or ghost post-sex. By virtue of that question these men became The Unworthy.
I thought there was something I was doing to prompt it, and so I thought I could do something to change it. I would have been far better off had I spent that time doing stuff that makes me happy or really just. The Unworthy is why I could never stand to do online dating in the first place. It almost made me want to fill out one myself except uh, see above. Also, I was only on it for a short period of time because I wound up clicking with the first dude I actually went out with. I have to agree that internet dating or any kind of dating when your confidence is already being battered can feel like a step too far.
IME the vast majority of people who visited my profile would pass on by without sending pointless ill-matched messages, when I had a quick summary of myself and what I wanted in the first 3 lines.
It seemed like all but The Extremely Unworthy would at least skim-read those first few lines, and instead message someone who was actually what they were looking for. And I got some really great well-matched messages, and a vast reduction in The Unworthy. Thanks for this, I feel uplifted. Good luck LW, stay true.
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Just so you know, there is a lot A LOT! Said preferences may be indicative of classism or ableism, or many kinds of other -isms, that we have always had bubbling below the surface. This kind of interrogation is good to do for a lot of reasons, but please try to keep it separate from this aspect of your dating life for a while. It just occurred to me that one way the Captain makes this work is by being really, REALLY upfront about one of the primary ways she herself differs from the Supermodel Standard before listing a couple of her own dealbreakers. I was trying to humorously give dudes permission to like what they like but to not me about their feelings about fat chicks.
Awkward wrote to me even though he was a smoker since quit and we liked each other fine and worked it out. I personally would not want to be dated by someone who had really nobly struggled with their initial desire not to date me, decolonized their desires, and at long last have rendered themselves pure in the forty fountains of discourse and arrived to claim my hand. It certainly seems like you do and maybe directness would suit your goals better. I was not trying to critique, indirectly or otherwise.
I wrote my comment because when I was trying to write my own dating profile, I had read a lot of the existing discourse on attraction and various -isms thereof. So I had to do a lot of thinking. For instance I knew I wanted to date someone who was a big reader like myself.
But I also had to remind myself that being a big reader was something I could be because I was well-educated and given a lot of support for my reading, which not everyone gets. But after I sat with it a while I decided that even though I know that someone can be intellectually curious and passionate about other humans and their stories without specifically reading about it, I still wanted the particular experience of having a partner who would go to the bookstore with me and sit on the couch with me to read. So I put it in my profile, and now my partner is a big reader too.
In other words having done that reading and thinking does not mean you have to stop having preferences, it just means thinking about those preferences is a good thing to do. Yeah, looking back I think I actually read your perspective from the opposite point of view as what you were saying. I really agree with you.
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Captain, love the person spec! Particularly the married guy paragraph. Especially if you only date women my age. I think they may just be asking about your exclusivity policy though. Am I the only person who hates this question so much that I usually stop the conversation right there? You can write a gorgeous essay of all of your must-haves and dealbreakers and guys will still ignore it. Yes, a few brave, perceptive souls will choose to both listen and hear you, but they can generally be counted on to continue listening to and hearing you even if you decline to answer this particular question.
Another one that makes me skeeve: The handful of actual messages I got were, count them, five. The only date I got from OkCupid in almost nine months. I had the exact same problem or maybe exact inverse, with the same outcome? That said, the handful of people who did respond to my messages actually did read my profile; what I found so odd was that the people with whom I set up dates seemed really enthusiastic before bailing. Yet I know that the sites work fine for various people because I personally know plenty of people of various genders and orientations who have gone on lots of dates using them.
Etc you might want to Google yourself? You might be sharing a first and last name with some Unsavory Character. Also it makes people use the site a little more actively, rather than passively waiting around for messages. And then when you do like or message someone, there is very little chance that you will hear back since they have to do the same thing.
This is fantastic advice!! And what I thought I wanted changed the more I met people, talked with people, or the crazy, weird and fascinatingly complex online dating messages I got.
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He was intelligent, articulate and specific about what he was looking for. He had actually read my profile and messaged me accordingly.
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He actually listened, how great is that?! There is no Mr. I found someone who is willing to work at it too. Figure out what you want. Be willing to pass and pass early. I learned to finally agree with the guys who said that I was expecting too much and would never find it. I would then tell them that, yes, I was expecting a miracle or I was remaining single.
Guys who are already trying to bring down your expectations after asking about them are not worth a second date. I think I need to reread this about a hundred times if I ever decide to give dating a try again. Unfortunately that seems to be a fairly niche interest, and I suspect that most people who want the same are similarly discouraged by dating sites. Except for the trans part, I could have written this message. Or smethign stupid like that.. If she were to push it for serious answer, I would tell the truth bang a lot of girls up their ass!
I don't talk about anything serious at all or at least she never knows when i'm serious and when just joking. Posted December 7th, at 9: Roofer Respected Member Join Date: Let's keep it casual, just hang out and see where it goes. Posted December 8th, at 3: Posted December 8th, at 4: Leonmujmar Senior Member Join Date: What are you looking for in there? It's kind of a test, she probably knows you want to bang her, but want to know what you answer to see your congruence. I would answer the truth "I want to fuck you right up your dirty tight little ass" haha No, actually I would say something like "You are funny, you seem cute and I like your sense of humor or honesty, or sweetness or whatever she has that you like I enjoy talking to you" then you could even escalate asking for her whatsapp or invite her to hang out.
I Like your profile. Online I have not met serious men. Are you looking for a serious relationship? How can I contact you on mail? Today i remove my profile. I did not like the site.
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I can send only 1 message for freebie: Text me — ….. I am new here really getting bored,…I have been hurt in the past but cautiously trying this…. I am looking to meet someone nice and special.. What are the plans for the weekend? I want to meet and communicate. But i would like to get to know you. So if we lose contact here is my email address. Love the profile and pics. My subscription ends… But you could leave your emall? So that, i could write to you immediately and i send u more my photos.
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